I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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