mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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