i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
