I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
