Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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