i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
