my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
