He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
