Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
