people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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