Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
