thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
