She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize