Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize