im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
