T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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