I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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