i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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