every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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