Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize