oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
