there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
