You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
