your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
