You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
