I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
