did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
