Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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