plz talk dirty to me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
