I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize