He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
