I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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