Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Girls should come with a carfax report
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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