Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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