there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
