i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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