I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
