im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
