Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
