do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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