We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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