apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
