You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
