Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
