It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize