Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
