that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
