In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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