She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
