Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
