My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
