At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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