great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
