we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
