and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
