He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Randomize
