dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
