I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
