i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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