She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Who died my cat blue again?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize