please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
