Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
