After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
