I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
