Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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