Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
