Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
