Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
