You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
