before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
