but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
