Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
