So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
