I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
