So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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