found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Boobs speak an international language.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
