Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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