she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
