having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
