You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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