I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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