she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
