I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
