K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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