she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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