Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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