Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
