im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
