I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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