I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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