You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
